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Partly cloudy skies. High 76F. Winds light and variable..

A mostly clear sky. Low 52F. Winds light and variable.

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I  hate to even bring it up, but how clean are the items we use? Is there a watchdog agency that actually goes to the (insert generic overseas company names here) that make oh, say, straws, napkins, paper towels, toothpicks, etc. and looks for germs, or reviews their sanitary practices? At least sees if they wash their hands after going to the restroom? 

Maybe, sorta. I know in some places, the food gradings on restaurants are gold, but that’s usually about bugs and critters, and I don’t think they do much in the way of microscope work.

While I’m an admitted insect-loving fella, there’s a few I won’t ever live with, like roaches. (Insert “Ewww” sound here). 

Other bugs, I don’t mind them, but the ants, well, they’ve been testing me in my kitchen this summer; All sizes and flavors of small ants appeared to have a common goal near a long shelf above my countertop.

I honestly couldn’t figure out why, until I looked real closely, took everything off  (the shelf, I mean) and eventually found what was drawing the ants to this shelf.

Background: It’s right below the wall calendar, where I keep my bottle openers, binoculars, shot glasses, pens and paper and the like, but no food items. Except the promotional I.W. Harper whiskey glass - full of unused duck, soy, and picante sauce packets - that had maybe split open? Nope. All intact, waiting for me to bomb my blood panel work with more MSG.

The bottle openers were clean, the calendar? Hmmm, again, we never really know how clean some items are, and I won’t even bring up all the cans, bottles, and other items we touch directly, often straight from the store cooler. 

Again, not sure I WANT to know if the paper towel roll is actually cleaner than my table, but, well, what about straws? I have a hard time thinking the WoollyBoolly Straw Factory, Inc. is all too sterile.

Anyway, back to my ant mystery; Most folks in my place would resort to poisons, ant killer, or if you’re budget minded, a special ‘Intree-Net’ recipe that calls for Skittles, crushed up chicken skulls and goat flu meds. (Insert joke about the menu at a drug cartel Tuesday mixer here.) 

So, I need to make the ants go away, but I hate using poisons of all types - other than the distilled type – as they never really go away and affect far more than the intended target. (Insert quippy political reference or booze joke here.) 

The ants seem to have a goal, and I narrowed it down to one of the converted coffee mugs I use for pencils, pens, and scissors.

But … what possibly could the Ant Nation want in MY pencil cup? Were they trying to communicate? Has a great breakthrough between our species never occurred because nobody thought  to give ants a pen and paper? What will they tell us? How do they do so much work? Can they solve our labor shortage? If so, do they hate unions, vacations, and minimum wage laws? (Insert reference to ‘job-killing’ anti-insect regulations here.)  

Nah. Keep that Nobel, Klaus, it turns out I had the remnants of a dried up, collapsed and hidden CANDY CANE - creepily half eaten.

Yes, “Christmas in July” - where one forgotten holiday treat became a colorful health hazard.

Say, about those candy cane wrappers and cleanliness...

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